True happiness comes from within ourselves. Happiness does not come from others. I can feel happy in the company of another person, but they do not control my learned emotions.

I have a slight seasonal depression that causes indifference. My feelings vanish for two to three months then I return to my happy self.

I never tried medications during these times, Instead I read everything I could find on my symptoms. The best advice I found was to pretend I was happy.

Since I didn’t care about anything, I logically decided to try it out. I interacted with people as though I was happy. I wrote happy entries in my journal. I faked it all the way through my empty emotional weeks.

The surprise was, I could forget about the nothingness inside me and felt happy. This didn’t work a hundred percent, but it made my life more pleasant.

I still use this tool. In fact, I presently have seasonal depression as I type these thoughts. My family thinks I don’t have an issue any more. I fake happiness so well I fool them, and at times, I fool myself.

I even feel happy at this moment. Since we control our emotions I wonder if this nothingness is controlled by me.

I don’t consciously think to have no feelings yet it hits me every winter. Now I can change it. I’m the only person who can make this change for me. In fact I feel happier now than when I started typing this post.

Sincerely, with a smile, ED

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